Saturday, January 28, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
So Here I am Kitties, surveying my domain, when yet again; I am accosted by plebeians!
A Queen's work is never done I'm afraid.
His name ( I'm told such things have names) is Ollie.
Ollie is not the freshest treat in the bag
Observe closely his countenance. Note the sloped forehead, wide set eyes, vacant expression. You can see the number of IQ points on his face can't you?
(this is a rhetorical question, of course you can't, as there aren't any )
"BBUUwwhaaaHAHAHAHA.... ahhh...hahah... ahHEM... I crack myself up"
Since he persists in pestering me for lessons on attack skills, I will again attempt to enlighten the wee mite. I I enlist a
guinea pig helper.
*Note: it's important to enlist the help of someone the neophyte knows to prevent intimidation and therefore lack of proper concentration*
Here is Elliott, he is marginally brighter than his siblicat.
And thus, We begin...
Ms. Stella: "You there! Fluffy raggish thing. Are you ready to assist in training your fellow littermate?"
Elliott: " Oh Yes, If It Please Your Majesty!"
Ms. Stella: "Good boy!"
Ms. Stella: "O-lolliberry? Observe please the correct whapping technique."
Ms. Stella continues: "When the intended
victim target wanders close enough you need to reach out with your paw (that's the thing with the five sharps at the end of your leg there) and whap them like THIS!"
Elliott: "Oh Thank You Your Royal Highness, may i have another?"
Ms. Stella: "In My own time fluffy, heel!."
Elliott: "Oh Thank You Majesty!"
Elliott: "Oh dear faithful viewers, you may wish to avert your gaze from HRH."
Ms. Stella: "All right now O-whateveryournamewas... it's your turn, you may approach Our Royal presence."
later that same day...
Ms. Stella: "It's back again isn't it?"
This is a test of the Emergency Cat- Broadcast System
(here after to be known as the ECS)
Something haz started over at my good friend Nellie's House!
I know Miss Nel is madd as a wet cat! BUT, if this thing spreads we will ALL be at risk!
yes, you read that right... RATIONING (as IF!)
What in the name of Hello Kitty is her human thinking???
I tole Nellie, I says:
You tell yer mum that if no sleep, cranky humans and rabid comment checking is good for the rest of them it's good enuf for hers too! I mean where does she get off?
Three measly days (out of at least elebenity squillion hours a week)
to our beloved Nellie?
The NERVE! AND what's WORSE?
oh yes, it's worse...
During those pathetic few minutes she gives, she is really
setting an example!
She's gonna be givin alla humans room to whine uncontrollably!
Oh I can just hear it now
"But Ms. Stella, I'm soo tiiiiired, Nellies mom has a chart!..."
"But Mr. Spitfire, I have to earn money to buy you treats too just like Nellies mom"
"But Mr. Diskers... be reasonable! I'm sure Ms. Stella has a room papered with photos of you already!"
"But- (looking at all 13 of her owners)- A girl haz to have time to coordinate such fashion wonders!"
well, OK, so maybe that last one was stretching it a bit by her own admission,
but you get the idea!
we'll have a revolution on our paws and before you know it they'll be rioting!
We must ACT!
(and you can see that ACT and CAT have the same letters! It's a sign!)
Time is now!
We must nip this in the BUD!
(extra points if you are old enough to remember the actor famed for saying that!)
Ok all you kitties out there whose rights will be infringed upon
Let your voices be HEARD!
I've done my job; I've alerted
Now this lert needs a nap
to ruminate on further ideas of quashing this sedition
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Ollie & Eli: "Oh Hai Mom! See how cute we are?"
Ollie & Eli: "Aren't we just your little Angels?"
Mom: "Ya, right do I look like I been sniffin catnip all day?"
Ollie & Eli: "Nah, we iz just like... ya know... grooming"
Ollie: *grunting* "well, ok... we are energetically grooming"
Eli: "HAHA! I haz you now!"
Ollie: "Dude! Tic-Tac!"
Ollie: "dude, you better get over yourself"
Mom: *shouts from kitchen* "BOYZ! Knock it off before one of you comes crashing 6 feet to the floor!"
Eli & Ollie: "WHA?? We can DO that???! SAAWeet! That's like, like, flyin! Eli get back up here! "
Ollie & Eli: "WOAH! Ok Mom, we won't, you can put the loaded squirt gun down!"
Mom: *muttering from kitchen* "you boyz think it's all a game till somekitty haz ta go to the vets!"
Ollie: "Eli, mum said to knock it off!"
Eli: "Ya, I fink she meant I could knock you off!"
Eli: "Ok, one of us hazta get down, Ollie, you go since you is ornj."
Ollie: "DUDE, we are both ornj! YOU get down!"
Ollie: "Heh, heh, heh..."The Ozzman wins the day!"
Eli: "the Ozzman? MOL!, more like the ODDMAN ya goon!
Don't worry, when Mom leaves, I'll be back!"