Thursday, December 20, 2012

New Maths

Heya HepKats & Groovy LadyCats
We need to convene!
We need to protest!
We need to teach our humans to READ
and to COUNT!

Far too long have we been cheated  I tell you! 
This gross neglect is unconscionable
and That Woman in particular needs to be taken to task!

Let me share this explosive information I found just lying around the house! 
 Not even on the interwebs!

There I was lounging on my footie stool, waiting for That Woman to sit and dole out the evening treats.  
She obliged and left a small pile of several next to my toeless foot (as the homage she must pay me since...well, I'd rather not 'go there' right now -sniff-) Anyhow, 
When she was done being a skinflint rationing out our meager allotments she casually laid the bag next to me. 
(Was she toying with me? So close to Catmas?  
Well,  I. Will. Show. Her!)

On the back of the bag of treats is printed very clearly our Magna Carta; our very own Civil Rights of Felis Domesticus! 

Lookee here: 
If I am reading this correctly, for a cat the size of Rhode Island  Miss Jack, she gets to snarf up 30 treats PER DAY!  
It's a cryin' shame!  

Do you know, That Woman feels generous when only misering out a miniscule 3 per sitting twice a day! Even I can count those on one paw and I'm missing a toe!  Poor Miss Jack being robbed of 25 treats a per day~     

If you timez that by her age and by all the years she didn't get her FAIR SHARE she is due for the mother of all Catmas deliveries

Upon further inspection I realized this sad truth; 
I, being a particularly fine specimen of feline athleticism and strength 
am relegated to only between 16 to 22 treats per day

(rest assured I will be addressing the aforesaid apparent error in a  letter to the company soon.)  Really, based on my superior BMI compared to Miss Jacks, er... well, I don't think she really has one of those, she sort of just rolls along.  Now and again a tiny appendage will stick out but it's use is only to make minor course corrections

And don't even get me started on the poor 'poids du chat' those poor buggers across the pond will have to fight their own battles.  

KITTIES!  Make sure your HUMANS see this chart and if necessary POST IT ON THE FRIDGE (right next to their ice cream so they will be sure to see it when the waddle up to the ice box

PeEssSS:  Note to humans; it's no use hiding this; I have taken pains to make sure that copies have been littered across the nation and the originals kept under secret lock & key with only binary code access and full CAT scan.   


  1. I SHOULD BE GETTING OVER 35 A DAY! I'm only getting, like SIX!

    This is a travesty.

    I'm telling Santa on them all. That'll teach 'em...

  2. We are looking at Mommy and tapping our collective toes! What is this injustice?!? This must be answered to! We're always threatening a coup de etat here at our house. Now we have good reason!

  3. Actually, I am considered "underweight" so I get as many treats as I want, no matter what the charts say! Is that awesome or what?

  4. Our Mom says the treat makers want to dispense full MEALS of cat treats so they can make huge profits. We don't even get regular treats!!! They use them mostly as bribes to get us to come running in if we escape outside or into the garage. I can see we definitely have to have a talk to her.

  5. Oh mom-ma..... come here, we has a little something to discuss with you...
    Harry, Dexter and Tipp

  6. Thanks for such useful info, I had no idea...

  7. Stella, while I admire your investigative skills, you have overlooked one critical element.
    Corporate motivation. Which is profit. They want The Woman to buy lots and lots of treats so they can make lots and lots of money.
    They are trying to lead you astray!
    The Woman is helping you! Listen to her, not the corporate weasels!

  8. Absolutely! We agree! The perfidy.

    PS - Thank you so much for the card you sent. It was really beautiful. Our Mom got all squealy over it.

  9. HO. LY. CAT!!!
    I'm shaking I'm s upset.
    I've been put on a *diet* because the Vet thinks I'm *fat*...ok, she didn't exactly SAY fat, but she meant it!
    I'm lucky to get a couple, IF THAT! And now I see I'm owed 30 a day?!?!?!?!?

    Get me a calculator.
    ; ) Katie

  10. Ms. Stella! Thank you for posting this and correcting this injustice! i myself should be getting at least 30 treats a day...and do you realize that some days I get none!! Oh, I will be pointing this out to the mom post haste!!


  11. Oh Me is cringing. Neither me or Kozmo has any weight issues. me gets my calming treat and me get treats whenever me asks. Kozmo gets them when he comes when he is called (so he sure makes sure he comes home when he is outside) and oh yes, me, Kozmo and the hairy slobbery sisters Bob and Cinnamon gets treats when Mommy and Daddy goes to bed, and when they goes out and leaves us alone for more than a couple of hours and when they gets home....

  12. Sheesh! I should be getting twenty-something treats a day! Yeah, all right, I don't LIKE treats, I don't want to eat ANY treats, but still----it's the principle of the thing. Right?

  13. We are glad you brought this to our attention. As a fine figure of a mancat I should be getting 40 treats a day, and how many do I get? THREE!! Yes, you heard that right. Three miserly little treats and if she is feeling generous I occasionally get six.

  14. I should be getting 30 treats a day! Holy COD!


We love to hear from you xoxo!